Category: Cults & Spiritual Abuse

Shiny People

I love, and am attracted to, shiny objects. Midnight stars, colorful beads, glassware, crystals, the sun glinting off water. In a similar fashion, much of humanity is attracted to shiny people, but be warned: All that glitters is not gold.

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Pyrite (Fool’s Gold), original photo by Loura Lawrence

Shiny people and their audience tend to trounce logic and reason to the hurt and chagrin of everyone, but especially logical people. There is no room for them at the inn, because they are most likely to tell people exactly what they don’t want to hear, that the shiny person’s foundation is not solid rock but weak infrastructure, and too many people are gathering on the balcony. Such wet blankets are forced out of the happy group, to wander in seclusion.

Shiny people dress in literally shiny outfits with lots of glitter, sequins, bright colors, and power suits. They surround themselves with plenty of actual shiny objects, the more over-the-top the better (golden toilets, for example). Shiny people love a good show, and their audience loves a good show too. That’s entertainment.

Shiny people seem to know inherently how to charm others (or blind them) with their glitz and glamour, and those who love it are like moths to a flame. Just like the basic biology concept of symbiosis, the one can’t exist without the other. Audience and performer all share a high of sensationalism, surrealism, excitement, and mystery.

This isn’t about one-time performances in which you leave on a high note with the thought, “That was fun! I’d like to do that again, someday,” but “Wow! I can’t wait to see what they do next!” Once an audience member has invested some time and money into a shiny person, the superior feeling they get from being associated with them is nigh impossible to break. It takes a personal catastrophe (others’ tragedies involving the shiny person in question, can be reasonably explained away) to shock an audience member back into reality.

Shiny people are like the fusion reactor in Spider-Man 2 (2004); they build their glow and following slowly, but soon they are radiating like the sun with thousands or millions of followers. The more energy they receive from their crowds, the hotter and brighter and more unstable shiny people become, until they finally explode. An explosion from a shiny person necessarily heaves debilitating, even deadly (financial, emotional, spiritual, relational, even sometimes physical) shrapnel to their unsuspecting crowd. And just like Doc Ock’s fusion reactor, the moment a shiny person loses all control is typically unpredictable.

Be Careful What You Wish For

timeI’ve seen a lot of people, particularly Christians, calling for unity and forgiveness on both sides now the election is over (and they won). The onus is on you, dear people, to offer peace and friendship. For a year or more, you’ve made it clear to half the population of America that “you don’t want ___ here.” Now you are offended they believe you and want nothing to do with you?

At the same time, I keep reading statements on FB, on news sites, on blogs, etc. which include terms like, “butt-hurt” (awful term!), “libtards”, “distasteful among us”, “snowflakes”, etc. How do you expect to heal wounds this way? Or do you really expect to heal wounds at all? It’s handing a peace offering with one hand, while hiding a dagger in the other, then feigning being upset/not understanding when those who feel the full weight of unkindness turn away so they don’t get stabbed. Again.

This is not Christian talk or behavior, it is the lowest treachery. Yet this kind of abuse goes on endlessly (and has for years) in churches and so-called Christian families. You want to know why younger people are staying out of church? This is it. And then you call them immoral and overly sensitive, and consider them “worthy” of more insults.

wasteland_cutAny criticism at all or difference of opinion, then most people (from any side) turn away or lash out. That’s what happens when a party feels the slightest bit threatened or out of control. But to those who feel they won Wednesday morning, it is on you to show genuine friendship, love, and care, if you indeed feel those things, to especially those who believe your words and your vote:

That you don’t really want them in your churches, your neighborhood, your city, your state, your country. That you would be far better off without them. That you would be overjoyed to see them go.

Be careful what you wish for.

My New Baby (Book)!

My new baby! Described by my husband as “well-written but weird”, this short book was inspired by personal dreams and way too much reading of Christian mystics over the past 2 years. It is with great pride and just a little trepidation that I present my new e-book, available exclusively on Amazon’s Kindle: I Am My Beloved’s: A Mystical Allegory

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Is it a work of fiction, or not? Is it meant to be disturbing or reassuring? A work as mysterious as the subject matter, this short piece features the emotional highs and lows of spiritual mysticism from a Christian perspective.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LX71IQZ#nav-subnav


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Husbands Who Think They Are God

*This post is meant only as a brief overview of some very tangled beliefs and teachings and is no way comprehensive.

Over the past year I’ve begun following a few blogs (listed at the bottom of this article) that focus on feminism in the church, egalitarian marriages–meaning both partners equal in all things, as opposed to complementarianism in which the husband leads and the wife submits–and spiritual abuse. After reading many news articles, blog posts featuring both original sources and critiques, and comments galore, I began to see a pattern in the way some people, especially of the Reformed Conservative Christian type, viewed and discussed Christian marriage.

These blogs have done a great job of delving into the many issues involved in the discussion of biblical gender roles, including the potential for abuse, the strict and unbiblical legalism of complementarianism, the unbiblical division of the church caused by such teachings, the many Scriptures from both Old and New Testaments proving egalitarianism, and other important topics.

Still, as both men and women favoring complementarianism wrote about the “Biblical” roles of husband and wife, I noticed some disturbing words and phrases that popped up again and again, especially concerning since these concepts are taught by popular teachers on mainstream Christian websites.


Umbrella of Protection

Find a Wheel…

A wheel has no starting or stopping point, no real place to get on or off. This is important to keep in mind when considering the cyclical thinking of complementarians which seems to go something like this:

  1. Person A (in this case, men and/or pastors) believes/is taught they are responsible for the spiritual state of someone else (in this case, women and/or congregants).
  2. As such, Person A has spiritual authority over their “charge”, and can use discipline (loving, of course) to help ensure they do not stray.
  3. Along with this authority comes spiritual power, which aids in reinforcing the authority and responsibility ideas.
  4. The longer a person stays in this mindset, the more spiritual power and authority they begin to believe they have, up to and including the salvation of others as if they were Jesus Himself (heresy alert).
  5. Rinse and repeat.

These ideas have seeped into and poisoned many a Christian home and mind. They have become very popular, because those who teach and preach these concepts are likewise popular. Let me illustrate with the following quotes from Pastor John Piper’s Desiring God website, CrossWalk Ministries, Pastor John MacArthur, Homeschooling Today Magazine, Pastor and author Dennis Rainy, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God by Pastor Timothy Keller, and The Gospel Coalition. Please keep in mind, there are many others besides those listed here, both big and little.

“[Steve Murphy, publisher of Homeschooling Today Magazine] has served as a regional support group board member leading the charge to exhort homeschooling fathers and husbands to assume their God-given duty to be the leaders of their homes, including sanctifying their wives and educating their children.” (my emphasis added)

“John MacArthur says it this way: just as “saving grace makes believers holy through the cleansing agency of the Word of God . . . it is with that same purpose and in that same love that husbands are to cultivate the purity, righteousness, and sanctity of their wives.” Or, as James Boice states it, “God holds husbands responsible for the spiritual growth and maturing of their wives…John MacArthur puts it this way: “Men, if you love a woman, you will do everything in your power to maintain her holiness, her virtue, her righteousness, and her purity…every day you live…Love always seeks to purify.” ~Bob Lepine, CrossWalk, http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/the-husbands-sanctifying-role-in-marriage-1335259.html

“I’ve come to baptize it into the spiritual realm…” This statement was made by a husband in response to his wife’s party planning. While seemingly sweet on the surface, we must be discerning and ask by what authority does this man baptize actions into the spiritual realm? The language of such statements, and there have been several others from TGC writers including the concept of “elevating wives” spiritually, seem to reveal these men really think they are God, or at least, have His power. http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/erikraymond/2015/07/23/how-to-marvel-at-your-wifes-creativity/

Dennis Rainy writes, “This comparison of the husband with Christ reveals the sense in which a man should be his wife’s “head.” [William] Hendriksen writes, “He is her head as being vitally interested in her welfare. He is her protector. His pattern is Christ Who, as head of the Church, is its Savior!” http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/husbands/what-should-be-the-husbands-role-in-marriage

Sounding exactly like John MacArthur above, Pastor Tim Keller insists in his book, “What keeps the marriage going is your commitment to your spouse’s holiness.” The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

In the same work, Pastor Keller romantically asserts too that, “…We must say to ourselves something like this: ‘Well, when Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn’t think “I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me.” No, he was in agony, and he looked down at us – denying him, abandoning him, and betraying him – and in the greatest act of love in history, he STAYED. He said, “Father, forgive them, they don’t know what they are doing.” He loved us, not because we were lovely to him, but to make us lovely. That is why I am going to love my spouse.’ Speak to your heart like that, and then fulfill the promises you made on your wedding day.” (original emphasis left) The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God

Finally, a quote from The Christian Courier titled, A Christian Husband’s Obligation: “Agape is not sentimentality. It is defined as the husband’s love for his wife’s soul. There is a reason, an eternal reason, for a Christian husband’s attitudes and actions. It is the reason for which Jesus “endured the cross” (Heb. 12:2). Consider the results that Christ sought for the church. He loved the church, so he gave himself for it, “that he might” (1) sanctify it; (2) present it; (3) “that it should be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:25-27). Husbands should have the same kinds of goals for their spouses…” (original emphasis left) https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1188-agape-a-christian-husbands-obligation


In response to these teachings, blogger Cindy Kunsman writes,

“I don’t know how any believer in Christ could actually think that as a creature that is unable to sanctify themselves would presume that they could sanctify or intercede for another human being, female or otherwise. This experience, for me, really demonstrated the insidious and subtle effect of these teachings, because that kind of reasoning makes sense if one believes that woman is ontologically, or by essence, lesser than man.”

The Bible can’t get any clearer that people are autonomous (free) and spiritually responsible for themselves alone. Part of verse 3, The one who sins is the one who will die sums up the entire chapter of Ezekiel 18. Jesus alone is the mediator for sins, states 1 Timothy 2:5. Only Christ has the power and authority to sanctify people, “For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified” (Hebrews 10:14).

There is zero biblical support for such a burdensome claim that husbands or fathers are responsible for the spiritual well-being of their wives or children. “But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God” (1 Corinthians 6:11). I could write a sermon denouncing Keller’s second quote about how Jesus views us but suffice to say, He doesn’t, didn’t, and won’t ever describe us as “ugly”. And love? “Love never fails.” “Love is patient, love is kind…” Read the “Love Chapter” of 1 Corinthians 13; you will not find “love purifies” listed.

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Christian Feminism and Spiritual Abuse Blogs:

Junia Project

Homeschooler’s Anonymous

Spiritual Sounding Board

Crying Out for Justice

Further Research Suggestions:

http://undermoregrace.blogspot.com/search/label/Against%20Subordinationism